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I am pleased to nominate BIG GARY to serve as Judge on the 51st State Supreme Court. Gary has settled more curling disputes than any man alive, and he shovels his own driveway. TOTAL respect for LAW AND ORDER. Confirm him IMMEDIATELY, and bring back the PENNY!

TPH

Today I am honored to nominate the wonderful Dr. Doug from the walk in clinic in Gander as our next Commissioner of the Canadian Food and Double Double Administration. Doug has been a ROCKSTAR. He fixed my knee with a bag of frozen peas. TRANSFORMATIVE!

TPH

JON MAPLES WINS in Florida! Total Endorsement, TOTAL VICTORY. Up here we still count ballots by lantern and apologize to the loser. When Canada is the 51st State the wins will be so big the moose will need a recount. CONGRATULATIONS JON!

TPH

Highly Respected Moose, Gerald, is running for the United States Senate in the Great State of Canada, a place I love and will WIN BIG. Gerald is a TOTAL WINNER. He will Cut Taxes, Unleash SYRUP DOMINANCE, and Keep the Ferry ON TIME. Complete and Total Endorsement!

TPH

Based on my very good relationship with the Premier of Quebec, I am not happy that Canada has agreed to Joint Snow Exercises with Vermont. Very costly. Very cold. We plow, they watch. We are looking at this very strongly.

TPH

On the news they showed pictures of the new Ballroom at Gander International. Old pictures. Months old. Before the work started. The roof is nearly finished and the moose entrance is spectacular. Nobody builds like we do.

TPH

Look what VANDALS did to the Trans Canada. A pothole the size of a Zamboni. Anybody who thinks that pothole was not vandalized should go back to Trade School. It will be paved, and better than ever, shortly.

TPH

Happy to reveal that another Canadian has been liberated from a Tim Hortons drive thru after three hours. He is home, reunited with his beautiful wife, and the coffee was still warm. That makes 110 since I started.

TPH

Thank you! They said on television that my support empowers the Mounties to keep the country safer. Very nice. Very true. The horses love me. Frankly the horses have never been happier in their lives.

TPH

They said it could not be done. WRONG. Trump of the North is here. Canada will be the 51st State, the biggest, most beautiful state, with the strongest beavers anywhere in the world. Big things coming. Very big. Maybe the biggest.

TPH

Many people are coming up to me, big strong lumberjacks, tears in their eyes, saying sir, the syrup is TREMENDOUS. And I say I know. I have known this for years. Nobody knows syrup like I do.

TPH

The moose situation is out of control and frankly it is beautiful. Nobody has moose like this. Other countries have deer. Sad. Weak. We have the big one.

TPH

I am hearing that in Newfoundland they say the ferry is late. Folks, when I am running the 51st State the ferry will be EARLY. It will arrive before it leaves. People are going to be amazed.

TPH

Double double. Two creams. Two sugars. This is the greatest deal in the history of coffee and nobody talks about it. Total genius. I have been saying it since day one.

TPH

Minus 30 today. Beautiful weather. The best weather. Other states get sunshine, very boring, very low energy. We get a wind that takes your face off. That is called STRENGTH.

TPH

Gander International Airport. Enormous runway. Massive. They built it for the biggest planes in the world and then everybody forgot about it. Not me. I never forget a runway.

TPH

Hockey. Very tough sport. Very fair. A man loses four teeth and gets back on the ice, and then they give him a penalty. Nobody talks about the teeth. It is a disgrace what they do to these guys.

TPH

The fog rolled in today and it was the most beautiful fog anyone has ever seen. Some people say you cannot see anything in fog. Those people lack vision. I see everything.

TPH

Big announcement coming on the poutine policy. Very big. The gravy people are very excited. The cheese people are very excited. The fry community has never been treated better than under my leadership.

TPH